


Broken

by Alteria



Category: Breaking Bad
Genre: Gen, Hurt, Post-Felina, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, childish behavior due to trauma
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-03-11
Updated: 2015-03-15
Packaged: 2018-03-17 08:39:23
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,273
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3522761
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Alteria/pseuds/Alteria
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jesse is free, but not in a good mental state because of his traumas. His meeting with a nice, religious man, who takes pity for him will lead the young man to ghosts from his former life, the life before the slavery. But are those ghosts going to be nice and friendly to him, or, are they going to hurt the already broken boy even more?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hello guys! This is my first fanfiction ever and I hope you will enjoy it :) As english is not my mother tongue (Frog here!), it may contain some mistakes, my grammar, especially, can be pretty weak, I don't always know how to turn my sentences... So, for that I apologize already... I did my best and I tried to use correctors and stuff to make it the more grammatically correct and esthetical I can, but it's probably not perfect at all. My vocabulary also, I suppose, will look pretty schizoid since I don't know all the words I would like to use and compromises has to be made sometimes..haaa..In short: If it sucked, have pity please, I swear to God, I'm much better at writing in french.. But I wasn't capable of imagining the characters speaking another language than English and, you know, it's a good training! XD  
> Anyway, feel free to tell me what are the mistakes you have noticed in e-mail, if you want to, I would really really appreciate if you bother for that! (You always can do that in the comments as well, but I would prefer in private if you please).  
> I would love to see your opinions on my work in the comments :3 but I also would LOVE to speak about the show with other fans, so you can always send me a mail if you want to speak.  
> Voilà... I'm going to stop asking for friends and embarrassing myself, now....Again, I hope you'll like my story, thanks everyone!

  
Jesse wasn't sure about the hour, day, week or even month it was right now. He was pretty sure that at least two weeks have passed since he escaped from the Neo-Nazi camp.  
_Hell. That much?_ It felt like it was at best one hour ago. It felt so close.

Sometimes, he will close his eyes and heard uncle Jack's voice, or worst, feel Todd's empty crazy-fuck glare on him. 

Then he will remember they are both dead. I _killed Todd, I killed him with my chains._ And he will smile. 

It was Mr White that saved him, at the end. This manipulator asshole. Jesse hated him, _I hate him_. but still, he was unable to kill the man who wanted to be his father. Why did he give up? Why did he not kill him? He asked this question for both Mr White and himself.

Well, for him, it wasn't that hard, the old man was hurt to death and...even if he would never admit it, a part of Jesse will always belong to Mr White, he couldn't kill him. It wasn't that easy. Even dead, this asshole will keep a grip on Jesse for the rest of the young man's days. He will always be there, in Jesse's head, with all the other ghosts, but screaming louder than all of them. Because that how Mr White was.  
_The rest of my days._ In his mind, it wasn't going be that long though. Mr White saved him, yes. After the bastard sentenced him to death, even before he became a rat, because he was a threat to the man's confort.  
Jesse's body was alive at least, deteriorated still. But he felt dead inside. The last two years were just too much for him, it killed his soul, especially the last six months.

Jesse fell in poetry. It was amazing, how at the end, the history of a person always had a peak. A point that will become the only thing to matter when that person is dead. What the world will remember. -if he remember something, that wasn't for Mr.Everybody-  
For Mr White, his creepy wife, his asshole brother in law and Jesse himself , the last two years, the whole Heisenberg thing, were that peak.

Jesse started crying. Cruel World...Too damn cruel...

He cried a lot this last year. Before his captivity, during his captivity, even more after his captivity, actually. It never stopped. He felt so weak and pathetic. But there was nothing he can do to stop it, his pain was stronger than him. It was easy since he was weak, he learned that a long time ago. His teenage self, that naive wigger wannabe, would have mocked him and called him a pussy.

  
The saddest part was that when he wasn't crying, he was sleeping. It was his "life".

  
"Jesse, are you awake ?" Suddenly asked the old voice.

  
Jesse always fails to remember the name of this man, it wasn't like he cared though. It was the person who had found him when Todd's car fell out of gas, in the middle of the night. And he basically just lay on the top of the auto, watching the stars with his big and sad blue eyes. It was nice and cold.

The night Andrea died, he had told Todd that he wanted to watch the stars, even if it was only and excuse to escape. One of the biggest mistakes of his life.

_Andrea... Brock.... I'm such a mess... Only good at hurting people.._.

  
The stranger was passing by the road in his old man's car and saw Jesse. And because destiny is a weird bitch, this exact man was part of some kind of catholic center or whatever, really religious and stuff, like his parents, at the time. His believes forced him to help those in need. And, who was more in need than a man-child who has been tortured mentally and physically for such a long period? And it wasn't only about Jack and his crew. The whole peak of Jesse's life was an actual mental torture.

  
Of course, the man didn't know that. But it was pretty obvious that the young man was in pain. He asked Jesse to come with him, promise to help him, to give him shelter and food. New clothes. A Bath. It seems nice. Jesse was only bones and dirt. He didn't remember how, but he ended up following the man.

  
Now, he was in the center. He never came out of the room the old man gave to him.

  
Anyway, back to the reality, he didn't answer the simple question. He was too tired to speak.  
The tall old man sat on a chair next to Jesse's bed, staring at him, concern is his eyes.

"You look a little better than yesterday, you know?"

  
_Yeah, right. And your cum taste like flamingo's poop. I look like shit as much as yesterday and you perfectly know it, liar._ That is what Jesse thought, but all came out of his mouth was a small, pathetic whimper.

  
"Jesse...what is your family name?"

Hearing the question, the broken man was now perfectly awake, fear in his eyes.

The question scared the shit out of him, because he was able to see what it can bring. All the suffering that it can bring. All the bad things. He wouldn't support to being locked somewhere again. Ever. Nor all the media attention that will give him. No, that would destroy everything that wasn't broke yet. That would kill him.

  
"Wh-why do you want to know?" he asked in a small, childish voice. Every time he spoke now, it sounds like that. He was talking like a child lost in some shop would talk. Maybe because he only spoke while frightened. He hated that so much...

  
The man smiled nicely, and pat Jesse's freshly washed hair, in an effort to calm the younger of the room. Jesse didn't like that either, but didn't react.

  
"..Jesse...Pinkman, right ?"

  
Jesse moans, as the tears began to fall from his eyes, against his desire and his ego, if he only have one now. **He was screwed.** He was going to be a circus animal now, worse, a circus animal in a cage.

  
The man starts patting his head again, feeling Jesse's panic. 

"I won't go to the police. Don't be so scared, Jesse. I know it has been really hard for you.. What those animals..those monsters... Did to you...I heard the news and I was able to put some pieces of the puzzle together... I think you have suffered enough. Even if you have committed a lot of crimes... The Lord will have pity, and so do I. "  

  
_What ?!_   Jesse didn't know how to react to his words. Maybe he really thought what he said. But if there was only one thing that Mr White taught him, it's that he was too damn tractable. It could be a trap. He has to be careful.

 

  
"Mm...You...he will ?"

  
Like if he was believing in God...

"Yes. And, anyway, you won't do any bad things now, do you?" He asked with a fatherly tone that made Jesse shiver. 

  
Jesse had to go in his sense, he had to. If he didn't, the religious man was going to talk to the police. And he surely didn't want that.

  
"No..." he answered in an even smaller voice.

  
He didn't think he was lying. What kind of mean things could he possibly make in his actual pathetic state? He was as dangerous as a puppy with only two legs.

  
"Good, you are a good boy."

  
Jesse winced. This guy really liked to talk to him like he was a baby. Just because he was sleeping and crying a lot doesn't mean he was some kind of retarded. He was just really sad , that's all. And with what he lived, it was normal. He wanted to say it, but he never did, too tired to bother.

"Jesse did you need to... hum..." the man seems embarrassed. "Change your "protection"?"

Jesse winced again. _Incredible. Like if he was hearing my thoughts._

He almost managed to forget that he was wearing a diaper like an _actual_ baby. 

"I...no..." he pulled up the blanket, as to hide his body. Just to make sure the old guy wasn't going to check or anything like that. "Thanks." he added, to be polite.

It was the most ridiculous of his physical traumas. A beautiful gift from Jack and his crew.

Sometimes, after Andrea's death, when they were drunk and in a very mocking mood, they will make sure he couldn't move, take his bucket and just let him like that on the floor. Jesse will hold in everything the longer he could, but at the end, they always won. And when they come back and see that he peed himself, or worst, sometimes, they would act like they were shocked and surprised. Then Todd's uncle, or an other of them, would say something like:

  
"Boys look at that! The baby rat ain't clean yet! Maybe we should teach him how to control his little pink cock, what do y'all think, sounds good, right?" _Bastard._

  
"I'm sorry, I'm sorry, please! I-I didn't want too, it was an accident, please! I swear to God... Please! Don't hit me..." 

  
Jesse was in tears at that point, the humiliation was awful, and the knowledge of what was going to happen was even more painful.  
Then, they will start to hit him in the balls, giving strong kicks. It hurt so bad, Jesse could still feel it.

  
Now, he had a hard time knowing when he wanted to pee or not. Maybe it was only psychological, but maybe it was physical as well. Since he didn't really want to move, it was easier to just wear a fucking diaper, even if it was degrading.  
He was also pretty sure he was sterile, one day, he would go to see a doctor. He didn't want to have kids anyway. After what he lived, he could never have one.

"Good. See you later."

  
And the old man was gone, leaving Jesse alone in his sadness.

 But, at Jesse's surprise, he came back less than an hour after he left.

  
"Jesse.... There is a woman who wants to meet you."


	2. Chapter 2

Jesse's face was as pale as an aspirin, and his stomach was hurting him. He was anxious. Who was that woman the older man was speaking of? The young man had absolutely not a clue, and it was stressful.

  
Because, well, first, nobody knew he was there. And secondly, because he hadn't that much of women in his life lately.

  
His first guess was his mother, but it was a stupid thought. Even if she knew he was here... Why would she come to him? He was pretty sure she never wanted to see her oldest son again, since she has learned for Heinsenberg, and that " _her_ " Jesse was Walter White's partner, assistant, sidekick, or whatever she saw on the TV...When her only fear probably was that he died of an overdose. So naive. She was probably asking herself how she could have given birth to such a monster, a murderer who poisoned tons of people for money. Maybe she was regretting to not have aborted him. She was pretty young when she had her first child, that would have been understandable. He wouldn't be upset against her, if she thought of that.

She also probably did not have the whole story, nobody besides Jesse have it all. It was even worse, all the things she could have imagined. Even  his dad and Jake. It was probably the same for them. Jesse felt a little sorry for his family, he has soiled their name.  
But the real story was already really hard to hear and horrible, so it was better that way. That way, they also had the opportunity to imagine something softer. He asked himself how the journalists have exploited the small amount of informations on their hands. What  did they bring to the Pinkman family?

  
But, besides his mother, what other woman could have, eventually, admitting that she knew where he was, wanted to see him? Especially since Andre was... _Dead. Because of your failed escape._  
He closed his eyes, tight.  
None. None woman.

  
_You are an idiot. Really, Jesse. If you want to know that bad, why didn't you asked?_

  
"Because I...I don't know...I was confused...I...didn't expect this, okay? I...Just...shut up."

  
_Pathetic. Really._

  
"Just shut the fuck up, I said, asshole!"

  
He pressed his hands over his ears, and buried his face in his pillow. He hated it. He hated when **he** spoke in his head like that. It was annoying and weird.

  
_Make me, Jesse. Make me "shut the fuck up". Go ahead! I'm waiting._

He didn't answer. Because he couldn't make him. He knew it. And if he asked him how to do that, he would have answered something bad. Like "break your head on the wall". And Jesse would have not resisted to the temptation of trying.  
He heard a knock at the door.

  
"Is everything okay inside? I heard screaming..."

  
It was not the old man. It was a woman. But not the mystery woman that frightened him so much, probably some maid.

  
"Y-yeah...I'm okay. I'm okay. Thanks." He spoke loud enough for her to heard it. If he didn't, she would come in, and Jesse didn't want to see anybody right now.

  
"Are you sure about that?" she asked, not convinced.

  
"Yeah, yeah...I just had a nightmare. I'm okay."

  
It wasn't such a lie. Mr White talking to him while he was dead, was a nightmare. A really creepy one.

  
"'kay then...Call if you need any help. I don't want a death on my mind. That was some bad screams, boy."

  
He heard the noises of her shoes on the floor, as she walked away.

 

Tommorow. Tommorow he will see who was that woman. And what she wants from him.  _Please. Not the prison. Not the prison. Everything but that._  He has to find a way to act natural and calm in this mystery woman's presence. If he looked like a scared fawn, it would definitely not be a help.

  
_Who cares who she is? Just act like a man, and face her. Face it._

  
"It's not a  totally dicky thing to say. It's almost an encouragement. Are you sick?" He asked out loud, mockingly surprise.

  
_Well, you know a lot of things about being sick, don't you?_

 

"I'm not the one with cancer."

  
_Come on Jesse. You know you need that._

  
"Need what, dick?"

 

 

 _Me._  

 

"You? Really?" He asked. He didn't knew if he should laugh or cry.

 

_Well, chemically speaking, I can't stay alive in your head, and, in case you forgot, I took a bullet on_ _my lung. Do the maths, for once, Jesse._

  
Mr White was saying he was crazy. Wasn't he? He wasn't crazy. Most likely, Mr White's ghost decided to live in Jesse's head until his death, just because he was a dick who likes to make his former partner suffer.

  
"No. I don't need you. It's your fault. If I didn't met you...everything would have been _way_ better!"

  
_Yeah, be a baby about it! It would have been better. Everything is my fault, right?! Of course it is! Nothing is never your fault. Not Jane, not Gale, not Andrea, nothing! C'mon! Grow up!_

  
His eyes started to become tearful when he thought of the three dead people. He heard Mr White's sigh in his head.

  
_Listen Jesse...I'm sorry. Stop crying...Just sleep. Okay son?_

  
"No..Go away!"

  
_Listen. We'll talk when you are feeling a little better, okay son?_

  
"NO! I said _go away_! YOU, listen! just do what I said and _GO_. _AWAY_. Get it?! _Go away_! I don't want to repeat, so be quick and go!" He was pretty sure he was screaming. He heard a second sigh.

  
_Just get some sleep._

  
He was so tired. He couldn't help but whimpered a small "okay", wich contrasteded with his previous anger. And he fell asleep, without noticing the footsteps near his door.

  
\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

  
He waked up early, with a big headache. He wanted time to prepare himself. The meeting was early, they were supposed to have  breakfast together somewhere close to the residence, at 9 a.m., to discuss.  
He got up, for the first time in a long, long time. His body was like an old stick, ready to moulder at any second. But he managed to gets in the bathroom in one piece of flesh.

  
He got himself naked in the room's small bathroom, and took a step back when he saw his reflection in the mirror. _Holy shit._  
_No way I'm wearing a diaper to going out._ _Worst confidence killer ever._ But what if he peed himself in front of people? Maybe _that_ would be the worst confidence killer ever. But nah. It wasn't that bad. He wasn't that bad. He was nor 85 years old, nor 2. It all be fine. _Fine_. All he needed was to keep himself calm, and not freaked out. And he would be okay. Everything was going to be ok- ..He realized he was already hyperventilating. He  throws the diaper in the trash can, without looking at it, and took a deep breath.

_Chills out Jesse, Jesus, just chills out._

  
"Yeah, yeah..."

  
He took a shower. The water was hot and nice, and it helped him to rexal.  
Even if he had been used to cold water now. It was always better this way. Warm was always better than cold.  
After he had washed himself, he dressed up, wearing the same outfits than before, but without underwear. _I will ask for some later._ He promised himself.

  
After being  approximately presentable, he shyly opens the door. It was like entering in a new world. With... well, mostly doors. He was supposed to wait the old man at the entry. And it was what he was going to do. No trick, no panic.  
He moved slowly, making his way to the entry of the residence. He had to took stairs, but besides that, it was a straight ahead kind of way. When he arrived, he saw the man he was supposed to be waiting for.

  
"Jesse. Good morning. " he said with a smile. "Good night?"

  
The blond scratched his hair. "Well. Good enough."

  
"I'm glad you came all by your own. I was not sure that you will."

  
Jesse sighed. Did he thought he was going to have to carry him?

  
"Well, I'm here. Let's go." He was happy because he managed to look confident, while he wasn't really.

  
"Yes, follow me, please."

 

Jesse followed the man to his car. Swallowing his saliva, he asked, a little too quickly:

  
"Who is she? The woman."

  
The man opened the door of the driver side. "Well...I never met her before, but...Apparently, she has helped our association by making some donations in the past. And ...she learned, I don't know how, we'll ask her, that you were here. And she really insisted to meet you, she said you had history together and that she had questions and if we didn't..."

  
Jesse bit his cheek. "Yeah, yeah. But who is she? What's her name?" He asked in an impatient tone.

  
"I think her name was...." while sitting on his seat, he paused. "Marie Schrader."

  
Jesse opened his eyes with surprise. 


End file.
